Ass Like That
Requested by Erin F

I'll be
The way you shake it
I can't believe it
I ain't never seen a ass like that
The way you move it
You make my pee-pee go
Da doing doing doing

I don't believe it
It's almost too good to be true
I ain't never seen a ass like that
The way you move it
You make my pee-pee go
Da doing doing doing

The way she moves, she's like a belly dancer
She's shaking that ass to them new Nelly jams
I think someone's at the door
But I don't think I'ma answer
Police saying freeze
Da doing doing doing

What do you mean, freeze?
Please, I'm a human being, I have needs
I'm NOT done, NOT till I finish peeing
I am not resisting arrest, I am agreeing, Mr. Officer
I'm already on my knees
I can't get on the ground any further
It's impossible for me
And don't treat me like a murderer
I just like to pee, pee, pee, yes, I make R&B
I make song, it go ringy-chong
A-ching-chong-chong-chong-ching
Psyche, I joke, I joke, I kid, I kid
If I offend, I'm sorry, please, please forgive
For I am Triumph, the puppet dog
I am a mere puppet
I can get away with anything I sing and you will love it

[Chorus]

Jessica Simpson looks oh so temptin'
Nick, I ain't never seen a ass like that
Every time I see that show on MTV my pee-pee goes
Da doing doing doing

Mary-Kate and Ashley used to be so handsome
Now they're getting older
They're starting to grow bum-bums
I go to the movies and sit down with my popcorn
Police saying "Freeze"
Da doing doing doing

What do you mean, freeze?
Jeez, I just got my seat
I have ticket, look
I put it away, my zipper's zipped
Please do not remove me from this movie theatre
Please!
I did not even get to see Mary-Kate shower scene
I did not mean to be obscene or make a great big scene
And don't treat me like I'm Pee-Wee Herman
This movie's PG!
Mr. Officer, I demand to see my attorney
I will simply plead innocent, cop a plea and be free
Free, yes, free, right back on the streets
What you mean my lawyer's with Michael
He's too busy?
I am Triumph, Britney Spears has shoulders like a man
And I can say that and you'll laugh
Cuz there's a puppet on my hand
(Hahaha)

[Chorus]

Hilary Duff is not quite old enough so
I ain't never seen a butt like that
Maybe next year I'll say ass
And she'll make my pee-pee go
Da doing doing doing

The way she moves, she dances like a go-go
In that video she sings get out you bozo
I need a new boyfriend, hi my name is JoJo
Police saying "Freeze"
Da doing doing doing

What do you mean freeze?
My computers would be seized
And my keys to my ranch
I just baked cookies Mr. Officer, looky
Take a whiff of these
Here, I make Jesus juice, take a sip of this
Nobody is safe from me, no not even me
I don't even know if I can say the word pee-pee, pee
On the radio, but I think I did
Janet, is that a breast, I think I just saw a tit!
Psyche, I joke, I joke, I kid, I kid
I don't think my joke is working, I must flee quick
Get to the chopper, everybody get out
I am not Triumph, I am Arnold, get down!

[Chorus]

So Gwen Stefani, will you pee-pee on me please?
I ain't never seen an ass like that
Cuz the way you move it, you make my pee-pee go
Da doing doing doing

[Dr. Dre]: What the fuck is wrong with you?!

[Eminem]: Ha...ha...ha...

My Dad's Gone Crazy
Requested by Erin C

[TV channels changing]
[Eminem snorting crack]
[TV guy]: Hello boys and girls
Today we're gonna talk about father and daughter relationships
Do you have a daddy?
I'll bet you do
[door opens]
Who's your daddy?

[Hailie]: Daddy, what are you doing?
[Eminem]: Haha...
[Eminem & Hailie]: Okay then! Everybody, listen up!
[Eminem]: I'm goin' to hell! Who's comin' with me?
[Hailie]: Somebody please help him! [giggle]
I think my dad's gone crazy

There's no mountain I can't climb
There's no tower too high
No plane that I can't learn how to fly
What do I gotta do to get through to you
To show you there ain't nothin' I can't take this chainsaw to?
[Hailie makes chainsaw noise]
Fuckin' brains, brawn and brass balls
I cut 'em off and got 'em pickled and bronzed in a glass jar
Inside of a hall with my framed autographs
Sunglasses with Elton John's name on my drag wall
I'm out the closet, I been lyin' my ass off
All this time me and Dre been fuckin' with hats off, ha
[Dr. Dre]: Suck it Marshall
Tell Laura and her husband to back off
Before I push this motherfuckin' button and blast off
And launch one at these Russians and that's all
[Hailie makes explosion noise]
Blow every fuckin' thing except Afghanistan on the map off
When will it stop, when will I knock the crap off?
[knocking]
Hailie, tell 'em, baby
[Hailie]: My dad's lost it

[Chorus]
[Eminem]: There's really nothin' else to say
I, I can't explain it
[Hailie]: I think my dad's gone crazy!
[Eminem]: A little help from Hailie Jade
Won't you tell 'em baby
[Hailie]: I think my dad's gone crazy!
[Eminem]: There's nothin' you could do or say
That could ever change me
[Hailie]: I think my dad's gone crazy! (crazy)

It's like my mother always told me...
Rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana rana and codeine
And goddammit, you little motherfucker
If you ain't got nothin' nice to say than don't say nothin'
Uh...
Fuck that shit bitch, eat a motherfuckin' dick
Chew on a prick and lick a million motherfuckin' cocks per second
I'd rather put out a motherfuckin' gospel record
I'd rather be a pussy-whipped bitch
Eat pussy and have pussy lips glued to my face
With a clit ring in my nose than quit bringin' my flows
Quit givin' me my m.o., can't you see why I'm so mean?
If y'all leave me alone this wouldn't be my m.o.
I wouldn't have to go, eenie meenie minie mo
Catch a homo by his toe
Man, I dunno no more
Am I the only fuckin' one who's normal anymore?
[Hailie]: Dad!

[Chorus]

My songs can make you cry, take you by surprise
At the same time can make you dry your eyes
With the same rhyme, see what you're seein' is a genious at work
Which to me isn't work so it's easy to misinterpret it at first
Cuz when I speak it's tongue-in-cheek
I'd yank my fuckin' teeth before I'd ever bite my tongue
I'd slice my gums, get struck by fuckin' lightning twice at once
And die and come back as Vanilla Ice's son
And walk around the rest of my life spit on
And kicked and hit with shit every time I sung
Like R. Kelly as soon as Bump 'n Grind comes on
More pain inside of my brain in the eyes of a little girl inside of a plane
Aimed at the World Trade, standing on Ronnie's grave
Screamin' at the sky till clouds gather
It's Clyde Mathers and Bonnie Jade
And that's pretty much the jest of it
Parents are pissed but the kids love it
Nine millimeter heater stashed in two seaters with meat cleavers
I don't blame you, I wouldn't let Hailie listen to me neither

[Chorus]

[Eminem]: Crazy

[Hailie]: [laughs] You're funny Daddy

The Real Slim Shady
Requested by Sky

Can I have your attention please?
Can I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor, like Pam
Like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture
(AHH!) It's the return of the --
Aww, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said...
Nothing, you idiots, Dr. Dre's dead
He's locked in my basement (haha)
Them and these women love Eminem
[Girl]: Chica-chica-chica Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what
Flippin' the you-know-who...
[Other Girl]: Yeah, but he's so cute, though!
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss [kiss]
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect 'em not to know what a woman' clitoris is
Of course they're know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery channel, don't they?
We ain't nothin' but mammals...well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes [chomp!]
But if we can hump dead animals and antalopes
Then there's no reason that a man
And another man can't elope [ugh!]
If you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wet your pantyhose
Sing the chorus, and it goes...

[Chorus]
I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up?
Please stand up?
Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up?
Please stand up?

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell record
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critiques can't even stomach me
Let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?
Why, so you guys could just lie to get me here?
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Ailey and Fred Durse
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first
Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee hee!
I should download audio on MP3
And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD
(AAHHH!) I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million others just like me, who cuss like me
Who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me
They just might be the next best thing, but not quite me!

[Chorus]

I'm like a head trip to listen to
Cuz I'm only givin' you
Things you joke about inside your living rooms
The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it
[disc spins] I just shit it
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out there
Then you wonder how these kids eat up these albums
Like valiumes, it's funny
Cuz at the rate I'm goin' when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursing room flirting
Pinchin' nurses' asses while I'm jackin' off at Jergens
And I'm jerkin' but this whole pack of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King
Spitting on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling
Screamin' "I don't give a fuck!"
With his windows down and the system up
So will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
Now one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus]

Haha
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it
Let's all stand up